I think it's true when they say that late night thoughts are full of unfulfilled questions that have not been answered. I think I might have a little more to say in this blog post maybe because it's late night and my mind is running like cray cray.
I have noticed that I have been pretty preoccupied with nothing. With nothing at the moment. It's pretty ironic that when the school's semester starts, I am begging for the holidays and when the holidays are here. I am practically clueless. Clueless of the things I should do. The things I want to do bc I am broke.
"GET A JOB, SYIQIN!"
Yada yada yada, as if I did not make a single ounce of effort to find one. I have been sending out resumes and I did not get a reply. It is okay. It is not my rezeki. And when I do have a job, my parents will emphasize on the importance on focusing in school and they can tanggung for my needs. NO. It's nice to hear they care, yes of course. Alhamdullilah. But there will always be a tinge of guilt that you are now at the point in your life that you need to hustle hard. Thanks, Beyonce.
I am wandering aimlessly, only ambitions so active in mind but not really physical about it. SHEESH.
I am pretty sure if you are reading this, you don't really know me quite well. You may be close to me, or I am just an acquaintance to you. A follower or a following, perhaps? Or maybe someone you've heard about last two days ago from a friend of a friend of a friend through a whatsapp message. HAHAHHA its okay, but hello to any of you who are reading. I hope you guys are doing foineeeeee.
"Everyone may face the same challenges. But the reaction towards it might be a different for each individual. Yet, maybe not all challenges are the same."
Quoted by me, lol. You know at times you thought you know who you are but you don't. But then you will think about it again that it's rather stupid if you don't know who you are because basically, you know yourself best kan? We are just confuse human beings. We are thrown into hurdles and hurdles a day after another. So it's okay to feel confuse sometimes. That's part of growing up and getting to know yourself. We keep on changing, bc apeeeee ppl? Change is constant. I promise you. Tu i can promise you.
But what I've learnt about myself these past few years is, I am a person who accept things rather.... quite easily. Most of the times. I could not say everytime but yet, most of the time. Acceptance. Accept that things can go uncertain. Acceptance, accept that things DONT.GO.OUR.WAY. I guess maybe a person I was before didn't accept change so quickly. And these changes KEEPS ON HAPPENING to a point until you will be like. YOU KNOW WHAT GIRLLLLLFRIEEENNNDDDD..... I ain't gonna sulk about it anymore. Be upset and disappointed or hurt or angry about it because you can. Because you have feelings. Just learn to control it. Be upset, but remember to move on from there. Redha might be a word to explain my situation. I am unsure if I have grown tired and succumbed myself to the situation, but I will get right back on track. People often ask me how I am able to move forward rather easily? I am quite surprise myself. Then, I would be telling them that why.... Why would you want to tire yourself and possess negative thoughts over something that is....temporary. Some people may take just days or months or even years to forget something or move on from something. A passing of someone, a heartbreak or a dying dream.
Like I have mentioned, every individual handles a situation differently. Even though you felt like, "Dang, I have went through this before but I felt okay with the problem so why he/she is making a fuss over a small matter?" NO! that isn't a nice thing to say or even think about it. You shouldn't compare on how your period of mourn differs from others. It may be a trivial matter but everyone leads their lives differently and if you only see from your point of perspective, that's just selfish. All you have to do is support the victim. Give him/her the love and support that they need to be able to accept things and move forward from there. Don't ever compare because all of us handle things differently.
And to answer the question of some people on how I could move on from a situation rather quick, is maybe I have experienced the same situation before. Too many times. If the issue was a whole new thing I've experienced, would it be more logical that I would take a longer time to process? Only then I could proceed to go on with my life and continue watching 9gag and debate over hamsters are actually much cuter than guinea pigs like seriously!! Don't you think so? Or the fact that waffles taste so much better with ice cream in comparison to pancakes.............................
So, the message I am trying to convey is be tactful of one's feelings. Always have good intentions of people. Like how this person isn't nice to you but you still have the belief that everyone is not born evil. You just have to find the light in the tunnel sometimes, or that piece of M&M that fell from your hands due to poor aim to put food in your mouth and it fell on the carpet... last two weeks.
Just imagine if Tupac was alive now. What would he say? I wonder what would he say if I told him Im deaf on the left ear. He would tell me to go to sleep because I am having a ear wax extraction tomorrow and I better get to polyclinic asap cos I always procrastinate. Miss you Tupac. I hope the rumours about you still being well and alive in Cuba is true.
Goodnight, x.
