Tibe

Allah knows what’s best for me. Allah knows how I feel. 

Despite putting my faith in Allah, I should do better for myself. My decision making. What’s right from wrong. I’m at this age that I should not mess things up.

 I miss the old me sometimes. I miss the hopeful Syiqin. The Syiqin filled with excitement, wanting to embark onto journeys that are new. 

…

Would I ever forgive myself for having these thoughts? Why didn’t I say a last word? And now I can’t stop thinking about what might have happened if there was ever a closure.

You know you had enough of the internet/social media when you start to overthink every single bit.

Self inflicted pain.... ful thoughts. I really am my own demon, my own problem. Guide me, Ya Allah

Would never have made it this far, if its not because of Allah❤️ Everything happens because of Him. Alhamdullilah.

Oh Allah.

Is it going to be the end of times? Astagfirullah. As much as I don't want to think about it. But why do I feel this way? As year after year passes, more and more tragedies and crisis are happening around the world. Some of the technologies are quite incredible I must say, but some are far too much. I have loss a lot of my innocent brothers and sisters in the world. Please grant them a place in Jannah. Amin.

What am I suppose to do? How can I help? I feel useless staring at the television screen. There's another side of the world in great suffering. I'm under a roof, with food to eat. Living in one of the most affluent countries with a high standard of living and life expectancy. What is it in for me? I am grateful. Oh yes. But if I am comfortable in dunya, is it unlikely so in the hereafter?

I seek more knowledge, Ya Allah. Show me. What can I do to help, to make this world a better place.

From political issues to environmental ones. Could I even live to see 20 more years?

I pray that this world will be a better place. But this dunya isn't fit for us. It isn't a place for us.

I woke up from my afternoon nap, to the feeling of great miss. Woke up feeling I should be out now with anyone, exploring or doing something meaningful. Then it came to the realisation of the emptiness I have. Do I even have friends to begin with? It's not that I've done anything wrong that I don't deserve any but it's my lack of social skills to be able to make new friends or forged a closer relationship.

The closest friend I know was admitted to the hospital for a week and so. And she's so close to me. When she was there to stay for a while, I didn't had a chance to go out with anyone.

I feel so empty now. I see that a lot of other people has a group of friends that they are close with and constantly in contact with. Is it I am jobless, that's why I lack of in there? My introvert personality had me to blame all this while?

Maybe this is a reminder, all I truly need is Allah.

 OK asar pukul 16:18 and aku masih belum solat zuhur masih nk bbl psl empty empty ni sume. OK Chao. Lol)

Oh Allah.

When Im being reminded of you, is the most beautiful feeling ever. Days have been busy, dunya had make me a busy person. Even so, whenever I hear stories of Nabi Muhammad SAW or how beautiful Islam is, you make my heart full. Full of content, full of gratefulness. I know my wrong doings, I know my flaws. I know I am no where near a perfect Muslim. Yet, Masha Allah, the knowledge I received about Islam, makes me want to be a better person.

Ya Allah, thank you for opening my heart. I love to seek for You. You make me happy. Bless me, Ya Allah. Bless me with good health so I can live longer and grow old gracefully. With a inquisitive mind set, so I can gather knowledge from around the world.

Ya Allah, I feel in awe of this world that you have created even if this world is made to break humankind. Through all the adversities and triumphs, we can see the beauty in between the cracks.

Oh Allah, I can't thank you enough.

Please make me a better Muslimah. Amin.

Today is Nyai's 70th Birthday. Alhamdullilah. Semoga Allah panjangkan umur and murahkan rezeki nyai. Amin Amin amin robbal alamin. It has been months since I last visited nyai. Could not find the time to do so because whenever I want to, my body is lethargic from school. The copious amount of revision and thoughts of doing well for the EOY exam left me dry and dead, figuratively. It's no excuse of course. But I promised her that I'll visit her often after I am finish with exams.
I miss her and yai so so much. Nyai is soft spoken now, with few words to say. Not as focus as before. I teared a while looking at her just now. Imagining the worst, would if I lose her someday. I promise nyai and yai that I will do well. Have a successful career and always be generous to people around you. In Shaa Allah.