Sesibuk-sibuk apapun kita, sempatkanlah untuk menjenguk saudara, teman, dan kolega kita yang sedang sakit. Selain merupakan “panggilan kemanusiaan”, amalan kebaikan ini dicatat sebagai pahala yang tinggi di sisi Allah. Allah menjanjikan mereka yang menjenguk orang-orang sakit, posisi yang mulia di Surga-Nya kelak.
Rasulullah bersabda: “Barang siapa menjenguk orang sakit atau mengunjungi saudaranya karena Allah, maka malaikat berseru: ‘Engkau adalah orang yang baik, langkahmu adalah langkah yang baik, dan engkau telah mendapatkan suatu posisi di surga’”(HR Tirmidzi dari Abu Hurairah, r.a.).   

Oh Allah. I am sorry for the days that I sounded ungrateful. I am sorry for the days for
not being a good muslimah. Guide me the way, Ya Allah.

It's nice to know that I am being needed :')

Stabbed my heart from time to time upon the thoughts of never being adequate

Hi, holidays! We meet again, alhamdullilah. Nope, no time to slack. Unfortunately.

My stomach feels uneasy. Basically pooped water for the last 3 days. I am not sure what quite happened here. I know I ate salad from Cold Storage near my workplace. I ate some healthy wholemeal oat buns too. The next day, I came running to the toilet and there it was watered poop. My stomach churned and churned. I had some sort of contractions as if someone is squeezing my intestines. My cousin gave me some medications yesterday and I feel so much better now. Alhamdullilah. My stomach feels empty though. In shaa Allah, takde pape. I just want to be healthy.

Haven't seen my siblings for a while now. I miss them. Is this how it feels to grow up? I am cooped in my room, the door locked. Fiddling with handphone, scrolling through facebook and youtube. Deactivated my Instagram recently. I feel the need to purge my thoughts from the judgment and negativity of social media. I hope it stays this way. I should create a new facebook account as well. I don't know 95% of my facebook friends.

I look forward to spending my time with my fiance. I always look forward to meeting him, and his family. I look forward to seeing my cousins, my other family members. I have so many things running in my mind. What am I suppose to do first? What's important first?

I call my fiance, KOC. In WhatsApp of course. I don't feel like referring him to any of his initials yet. Well, he reminded me of the importance of Allah. I always feel..... lonely. I always, low key, complain of being lonely. Allah is always there. Have I done enough to call Him out? Why must I feel this way? All my flaws and mistakes slowly exposed. I feel He is reaching towards me, showing me the solutions. I guess I am too ignorant to realize. Dumb and ignorant. Forgive me. 😪

I feel my motivation does not come in the form of actions, instead, words. I feel I need a push. How am I going to be the best version of myself, if I am so ignorant? Where's the girl who used to jot down things in her random book. Her ideas, her thoughts. Where is that person?

Oh Allah, help me. I am lost. I need guidance.

To avert your attention from my helpless self, I have thought about an idea of creating a superhero character in comics. It may sound stupid, but it might be an interesting project.

Til then, goodnight xx

I think you probably already heard about how my feelings get suppressed because I don't wish to discuss or vent out. I feel other people has bigger problems than mine. Then, who am I to complain? Well, tonight. All those suppressed feelings finally burst out. I have been holding back my feelings too much. Not talking about it seems easier. It sucks.

On a happier note, one paper down. Alhamdullilah. 5 more papers to go.

I am so tired.

Is having your fun and zany personality being stripped away from you means growing up? Is always being tired leads to you feeling like you have a mediocre life? Honestly, it sucks to realise that you are more quiet now. I meant me. I am more quiet and reserved and God knows why. Speaking of which, my circle of friends are getting smaller and smaller. My whole life revolves around school and work. On the hand, I am blaming myself for this. Self inflicted. Poor to lack of time management. I chose to follow the routined life.

I NEED TO SPICE UP MY LIFE

If other people can find a way to have fun and just enjoy creating more moments in life, why can't I?

Like most of the years, 2018 is passing by in a blink of an eye. With the thought of graduation next year, am I really ready for adulthood? Of course I am but it's gonna be a bit weird transitioning from schooling to working because home girl has been schooling since forever. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for all my achievements so far. Alhamdullilah. Big planes ahead, when I mean big. It's big. Ya Allah, ease my affairs. Bless me in everything I do. Amin.

I have been working consistently during holidays now. And man, even though work is tiring. I love work. The people, the customers and what's not. And if you didn't already know, I am working part time in retail @ Orchard. Thanks to my sayang, Dini, I had the opportunity to work. Thanks sayang! Now there's no reason for me to complain, "dah lama tak jalan jalan kat town" because I'm at town like 4/5 days a week. The thought of gg work after sch already makes me so tired than I alr am right now 😩 I do miss the naps I used to take after school. But oh wells. It's totally fine.

Sometimes, I wonder. The people along the streets or whoever, whom asked for money from strangers. I really can't tell apart from those who are actually needy and those who aren't. A week ago, an old man at the bus stop near my place was staring at me weirdly. I knew la like something was not right. He went up to me complaning about his son, his condition and how

he did not have money to eat. I fished out a note and gave it to him. He seemed so grateful. But as I boarded the bus, he sat down at the seat where I first saw him. It got me thinking, is he going to ask for money from other people besides me? I don't mind lending a helping hand but if someone does it deliberately to con you. Well, that sucks. We will never know people's intentions so it's better to just keep quiet. I know of some people who pesters you, "forces" you to donate. That is really ridiculous la cmon la. 

Anyhoo, I want to get something off my chest.

I hate to think of bad memories or any kind of situation(whether present/past) which isn't a pleasant one. Especially when you were the one being kicked in the dirt without even knowing why you deserve that. But I truly feel disturb and certainly DO NOT APPRECIATE if anyone still checks up on me on a regular or frequently. I forgive but I won't ever forget all the hardships that dragged me down. Especially those that scarred me. I know too much and I am so grateful that I am out of the hell hole. There will always be a certain someone who will talk trash about you that isn't true just to make him/her look good or appear innocent. *coughs* Tahu tak apa fitnah? Well, this world is so small I know. Tapi tkde kene mengena jangan nak kirim salam ke apa. Dah maafkan dah bagus, sudah tu sudah. Takde kaitan lagi kalau nak tanya kau kenal sesiapa yang aku kenal abeh nak mcm beri khabar. Some people tak sedar diri. Act as if nothing happened. So.... I never want to cross paths ever again. Don't check on me. Don't ask about me. Don't ever ask about my family members or friends. :)

Ask.fm/Qxnsllh

Type delete type delete. It's so difficult to put your words into sentences. Or put your feelings into sentences that is...

I feel I have been too caught up in dunia matters at times, and I sometimes catch myself for it. I will tell myself to take a step back and breathe..... and think of Allah. I may not be someone who is really really religious, I'm flawed. Yet I am grateful to have a family and actually am part of a family that is practicing Islam. Constantly and consistently reminding me that one should not be away from Him. 

Sometimes, we can't help out to think of dunia matters. Especially when you feel there's always a problem or a situation thrown at you. When you have to adapt to changes. When you have to keep challenging yourselves to be better people. Sometimes, I feel.... what did I do to be so...  blessed? I am living in a country that is safe(please don't take this for granted everyone), have a loving family, have an opportunity to study and excel, have wonderful friends. Alhamdullilah for everything. What did I do to deserve this? I always feel I don't say thank you enough, be grateful enough. I always feel nothing from me is amounted to be good enough for Allah. I feel so imperfect. Yet I feel so blessed that I get to live through another day. Or am I grateful that He has given me patience and positiveness  to overcome problems. I don't know what it is. The more I talk, the more I felt that the conversation is going elsewhere but I am really thankful for this life. I could have it worse.

I know everyone comes from different family backgrounds. Everyone leads a different life. But what I am certain, everyone is here in this Dunya for a purpose. And whatever we do, I hope and I pray all of us will reflect at the end of the day. No happiness comes from us but from Him. We will always think and thank our Creator. For all the good and the bad. Because the good comes from Him and the bad only comes from us. 

To those who had it worser than me, those are the people that are stronger than me. And if you ever feel that nothing can be better, I hope you'll find your way towards Him. ❤️ That's your only answer.