Hi, holidays! We meet again, alhamdullilah. Nope, no time to slack. Unfortunately.

My stomach feels uneasy. Basically pooped water for the last 3 days. I am not sure what quite happened here. I know I ate salad from Cold Storage near my workplace. I ate some healthy wholemeal oat buns too. The next day, I came running to the toilet and there it was watered poop. My stomach churned and churned. I had some sort of contractions as if someone is squeezing my intestines. My cousin gave me some medications yesterday and I feel so much better now. Alhamdullilah. My stomach feels empty though. In shaa Allah, takde pape. I just want to be healthy.

Haven't seen my siblings for a while now. I miss them. Is this how it feels to grow up? I am cooped in my room, the door locked. Fiddling with handphone, scrolling through facebook and youtube. Deactivated my Instagram recently. I feel the need to purge my thoughts from the judgment and negativity of social media. I hope it stays this way. I should create a new facebook account as well. I don't know 95% of my facebook friends.

I look forward to spending my time with my fiance. I always look forward to meeting him, and his family. I look forward to seeing my cousins, my other family members. I have so many things running in my mind. What am I suppose to do first? What's important first?

I call my fiance, KOC. In WhatsApp of course. I don't feel like referring him to any of his initials yet. Well, he reminded me of the importance of Allah. I always feel..... lonely. I always, low key, complain of being lonely. Allah is always there. Have I done enough to call Him out? Why must I feel this way? All my flaws and mistakes slowly exposed. I feel He is reaching towards me, showing me the solutions. I guess I am too ignorant to realize. Dumb and ignorant. Forgive me. 😪

I feel my motivation does not come in the form of actions, instead, words. I feel I need a push. How am I going to be the best version of myself, if I am so ignorant? Where's the girl who used to jot down things in her random book. Her ideas, her thoughts. Where is that person?

Oh Allah, help me. I am lost. I need guidance.

To avert your attention from my helpless self, I have thought about an idea of creating a superhero character in comics. It may sound stupid, but it might be an interesting project.

Til then, goodnight xx