Being yourself, is good fo sho.
But when do we know, we show too much? Or act a certain way that makes us feel vulnerable?
How much can one express without having to feel that it's too much?
But why must we hide something so good?
What exactly am I afraid of losing?

How can one assure me, in future? With a head filled of doubts and lack of self esteem.
I think I might just turn people down, push them away. I emphasized so much on positivity, but I'm full of negativity at time. Dubious about my own feelings, dubious about the issues that aren't happening but I'm scared, it will. Knowing that things aren't always certain. My mind is playing games, and it is sending the wrong signals to my heart. (Lol drama bbl)

I don't deserve anything or anyone.
Still making the same mistakes.
When do I ever learn?
When I can ever start anew?


(This is the result of overthinking at 1++ in the morning)

Some people have the cheek to indirectly "beri khabar" despite doing shit to you as if NOTHING IS WRONG. Why bother about me? Good intentions but that is just futile. We good but I don't appreciate it when you are low key contradicting yourself. Stop checking on me using different accounts, will ya? May God bless you. :)

sushi

Assalamualaikum, all.

This post might be tad emotional, maybe not emo emo emo gile la but a lil different from all the weird posts I have done. I don't usually like to write this kind of stuff, exposed to the public view because I don't want people to know my... vulnerable side. HAHAHA! It just absurd that I am typing this in a serious tone.

I have actually written a draft that was never posted, a goodbye post dedicated to 2017. But I will let my thoughts flow in this very, maybe lengthy letter before I am going to be hectic with school again.

As I get older, my expectations run low. I don't get tick off over trivial matters, so easily. I am more chilled than I supposed to be. Alhamdullilah. Because there are better things to focus on, right? I am thankful for all the people who thought of me, even when our busy lives got in the way. Syukur alhamdullilah. Being older, it is only right to have a mature thinking already. I really hope from these time onwards, I make right decisions to avoid hurting others or myself in near future. Because what comes around, goes around right? May I find the courage to walk away from matters that won't bring good in near future. Even if it means to walk away from people.

I, without fail, see the good in people. Even if the bad outweighs the good.

This characteristic of mine. I just don't know. Is it good? For always being like that? Knowing it's only a call for trouble? First, second, third or a hill of chances/opportunities I can give from someone that's isn't worthy. SO WHEN DO I LEARN? Sometimes, I struggled. (so any tips on how I can overcome this, please dm me, my friends, bc I want to learn.)

Next off, I am very thankful for feeling so loved on this birthday of mine, yesterday. Effort goes a long way. And it touched me so much. The attention that has been given and all, I am really blessed. The wishes that flooded my phone, unexpected. :') Thank you, everyone, for showering me with constant love. I love you.

Happy blissful marriage Kakak Zimah and Abang Adli. Happy birthday to you too, Kak Zimah. Quite elated to share my birthday with you, knowing that you're super awesome and loving, beautiful inside and out. Thank you for the invitation.

Here's a post to one of my Higher Nitec bitch: HAHAHA SORRY FANDI

All the best for NS life. I would like to say this, on behalf of Hidayah as well, all the best for your future endeavors. Thank you for the great friendship. And Hidayahhh gurrl, if you're reading this. We miss you! :-)

Prized possession big hearrrts, I will take care of this watch forever huhu

Goodnight, for now.

you still alive, dude?

Nearly 3 in the morning and not surprisingly I am wide awake at this hour, tipu ah wide awake but my body's tired but my mind doesn't want to switch off. Thanks to coffee, people! From the C TO THE O TO THE DOUBLE F TO THE DOUBLE E. I could have sworn that drinking coffee isn't my thing but sometimes, it tastes so good. I drank coffee twice this week, ever since my sister had forgotten to change the beverage so bo pian lor, drink coffee. Suddenly my bowel movements started being so active, shit so much. (low key kind of liking the shitting part cos it feels like I'm letting everything go, sorry too much info) But then comes a headache. LIKE WHO IN THE WORLD DRINKS COFFEE AND GET MIGRAINES AFTER THAT? (definitely not only me, jgn nak prasan im the only one who feels that capital LMFAO). So basically, I scared drinking coffee will be a habit that I will adopt bc tibetibe it tastes so nice. H A I S.

What I miss about blogging...............................


is.............................

posting..............................

lame choices of.............................

GIFFFFFFFF!

I don't know about you guys but sometimes...................(okay this is going to get a lil personal) but have you guys felt so disgusted with really dirty public toilets or cubicles and you find yourself making sure your booty doesn't touch the toilet seat cos you are too freaked out by it? That was what that happened to me just now. It has been the longest time since I did that but I did it. The toilet was atrocious and............ I could not emphasize further. So I did a half squat trying to make sure I pee nicely into the toilet bowl. (It's been so long I exercised!!!) Really was a work out for me. And my bladder decided to pee a lil more, i was shocked! Like ohhhh, when im doing the half squat. Then I decided to pee a lot. So I stood for a solid 1-2 mins!!! HALF SQUAT RULES! (nope just kidding) Did I mention the flush was broken and they did not provide soap to wash your hands? Hmm. (byk complain la aku ni jugak hais sorry guys)

Okay, you might be wondering how's school bc I have not been blogging about studies for 3 months.

So this is what is happening in sch. School's great. ALHAMDULLILAH.

thats all you need to know about school. ugh c'mon.

You know those type of questions like, "What would you do if you get one million dollars?" Other than those answers like donating part of the money to a cause or buy a lifetime of Ribena supply. I WILL JOLLY WELL TELL YOU WHAT IM GOING TO DO WITH ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

I thought about it for a while and you know what I will gonna do, HAVE MY OWN TALK SHOW. You damn well heard me. Have my own talk show, be a host of my own talk show (duh) and from there things gonna move on pretty quickly. I might be the mild milk chocolate of Oprah Winfrey. Or even Ellen. I actually pretty inspired by them. They are so generous and they talk about the real deal. What better way to be heard, kan? Or be like Jerry Springer (is it correct?) Help those baby mommas find their real daddies!!!

So baby mommas or daddies, HMU!

Okay la, until next post. I feel I talk too much crap. Goodnight.

I thought by this age, I would get my life together. Have a successful career, already gotten married(lol tk habis habis don't worry im not even thinking about it now), travel the world bla bla bla. You know all those things you dream to achieve by a certain age. However, I feel lost than ever. Pursing a diploma that I don't even think I would make a living out of it. Sometimes, you feel that you've hit rock bottom but sometimes you try to comfort yourself that your problems are smaller than others. Friends of my age have graduated long ago and are now working, some are also married. But I tell always tell myself every time, that everything is going to be okay. You are supposed to feel lost in your twenties. This is a phase in your life that you are suppose to explore. You might lose interest in the things you love, and it feels like you are going back to square one.

I wish I could have make smarter decisions. Until this day, I can't stop blaming myself for my past decisions and the decisions I made now. GET YOURSELF TOGETHER, SYIQIN!!

Overthinking isn't good either on the other hand. What's the point of complaining? What's the point of constantly worrying and ask why this and why that? Well, I have read somewhere that it isn't good to have these kind of thoughts in the first place. I know it is only human nature to feel this way but if you keep complaining and complaining, you are a disconcerted kind of person who is unappreciative. Sometimes, you need that extra kick to get on your feet back and keep hustling. Thanks, Beyonce.

So, you might ask wtf am I going to do now after expressing my concerns just now(jgn perasan Syiqin tkde orang tanya, im going to tell you anyways........):

• Put an end to things that is not right. Keh-mon ah, I think I am matured enough to think what's right and wrong(??) Amend things.
• Be more discipline. Okay tk tipu, I lacked of discipline. Sometimes, semangat seminit. I am not motivated enough, went too fast then suddenly stagnant gitu. Sheesh
• Make a timeline. If I planned to do something, I ensure there's a dead line for it now. So I won't halfway give up on stuffs so easily.

So that's all I can think of now.

.....................oh and takmu nak hilangkan barang je ughh.

Okay, belanja one gambar with the cutie nephew. HUEHUEHUEHUEHUE!!!

Ask.fm/qxnsllh

May Peace Be Upon You. :)

Since I am awake, why not I share about my hijab journey. Some might not know but I have been donning the hijab for 3 years now. I still remembered the exact day actually, 27 July 2014. I am very grateful and blessed. I still remembered how I went telling my friends that I will only wear it when I am 30++ or when I have my first child. But who would have knew, I've worn it earlier. Alhamdullilah. We all have a past, I am pretty sure. As I always consistently trying to be a better person, that was a first step. Which was to cover up.

I remembered wearing quite revealing and body hugging clothes. I used to love wearing crop tops, paired with jeans and sneakers. I love those baby doll dresses and high waisted shorts. Any piece of clothing which could see my figure. I used to wear something over those revealing clothes and once I went out of the house. I removed them at the staircase landing. Lol, I find it pretty absurd and funny on how much effort I had put in to do that every time I leave the house. It was damn tiring I swear. My parents are very strict. I was a rebellious kid. My mum would holler at me every single time I wore something above my knees etc.

It was difficult at first, to be clad in a headscarf every time you go out. I was not used to it. I always had the urge to buy all those clothing. It was a battle for me.  But of course, I look back at my ultimate purpose of wearing it. It had me going. I was more watchful of my words. I truly believe that I made more good decisions. I saw the beauty of all these strong women donning this beautiful garment. I loved myself more and I always find myself being a better person, and getting closer to God. I'm no saint. I'm not perfect. I feel the need to improve myself. In my twenties, sometimes I do feel lost but you always have to a close relationship to God. We get carried away too much, sometimes.

Even at 23(yup old alr diam ehhh), I still make mistakes. But what's important is that not only you have the niat to improve. Also make the effort to achieve it. Jangan berbual kosong.

FEELS

I am in a place where I am contented with everything that is happening right now. Alhamdullilah. It might be due to all the good food I had yesterday. Hmmmmm. Nevertheless, I feel so happy and full. Finally, I tried IndoBox yesterday with sissy and it turned out pretty good. Had Mee Tek Tek(stop thinking of something else..........) and my sister had ikan bakar to herself without rice. She bought baked cheese tarts after that. 6 for $19.50! Gile wei. But I truly feel that it is tastier than Hokkaido Cheese Tarts. I ate 3 of them out of six. Wanted to take the fourth piece but I controlled myself. It is so difficult guys to control myself from eating good food. Then she bought Broti for my brother and I. Guess who had Roti Kirai for breakfast?!?!

IF I CAN EAT ONLY ONE THING IN THIS WORLD FOREVER.

IT 

WOULD 

HAVE

TO

BE 

.................................

ROTI KIRAI!!!

I pray to my God in heaven with my highest appreciation, as He has bestowed me with one of a wonderful creation that mankind has ever received. This piece of art. Heaven on a plate. A life changer. My love. The love of my life. My soulmate. The windows to happiness. The pillar of strength. The father to my kids.............................

 

I always wonder who "invented" this masterpiece. And why it was created to look like a net. :') I love you.

So maybe this is what will happen if me and roti kirai start to take things pretty serious..... (visual presentation for you guys.) Someone please buy my art.

It's a roti kirai blanket guys. To keep your sleepless nights away. You don't ever have to feel hungry when you're asleep again. Don't worry about the curry, already infused with the blanket alr.

A visual presentation of your purpose in life.

The only dates that my roti kirai man and I will have only consist of grapes and plain water because you will know what will happen next right (?!?!)

Roti kirai babies. (low key.. this has gone too far.)

This is only a draft sketch. Will put my other artwork on display soon. Highest bidder goes to...................no one. Cos i suck at drawing.

Okay, enough of this shenanigans!! Before I end my post, one positive habit to adopt is to definitely read books. (lol i was talking about roti kirai and suddenly jump into books) So............ read books guys. I have to rush to meet Shereen. Have a good day, everyone!

A post before things get busy!

I can't emphasize on how excited I am for the holidays!! Home girl has something up her sleeves already. Why don't I share? Maybe you could do it as well? (and alhamdullilah for the bursary money I've received so I can try this things out. Enjoy, lovelies!!!

1. Maybe I should try out with my nephews and nieces. I was inspired from an instagram story where one girl was making this huge bubbles at a park. It was so pretty! I mean it seems so easy to do.

WHAT YOU NEED:

12 cups warm water
1 cup cornstarch
2 tablespoons baking powder
1 cup dish soap
1 tablespoon glycerin
Cotton String or Rope
2 Sticks
Washer

2. 

Canvas painting outdoor sounds like a perfect way to relax your mind. I wish I had that kind of scenery to be able to do that. East Coast Park pon jadila. I could paint of dead fishes and ugly twigs. It is still art!

3. 

COOK A 5-COURSE MEAL 

Siap with menu all. And very fancy table cloth and wine glass(ceh step but why not kan) and the guest I will be inviting for dinner is me, myself and I. :') Or I should just invite some random cat. Candlelight dinner, maybe?

https://ask.fm/qxnsllh

Give me more ideas!!! 

Hi.

I'm super exhausted. Everything's draining every ounce of energy from this body.

Help.